Chapter One

I smile when I see the name of the Sender on a message sent to my Kaity Kinney email address and open the email:

Please contact me.

The Sender is Matt Dwyer, and his telephone number follows his message. Matt’s a friend I’ve not had contact with for many years, and I flash back to another place in time.

We met almost twenty-five years ago when we were in our teens, both of us working after-school jobs at the same Chicago grocery store. We became friends and on nights we were both working, Matt walked me home after work.

I was attracted to him and felt a stirring deep within me the first time we met. My heart raced, and I wondered what it would be like to be in his arms and to feel his lips on mine. I also wondered what it would be like to do some other things as well. But except for our friendship, Matt didn’t show the slightest bit of interest in me, and I couldn’t guess why—or perhaps more precisely, why not?

I wonder if Matt knows I’m back in Chicago, although he probably isn’t even aware I left the city when I had what surely had been an early midlife crisis six years ago. I also wonder if he knows my first marriage to his former Little League buddy didn’t last. I’m doing a lot of wondering—and continue to do so—as I wonder if my current lack of male companionship is the reason Matt’s email seems to be having more of a profound effect on me than it should.

I call him and hold my breath while I wait for him to answer his phone. And then I hear his voice. “Matt Dwyer.”

I allow myself to breathe. “Hi Matt, it’s Kaity Kinney.”

“Kaity! It’s so good to hear from you! I called you when I heard you returned to Chicago.”

So, he does know about my midlife crisis.

I returned to the Windy City after divorcing my second husband, whom I met online and then moved to San Francisco to be with him on a whim. The very thought sends a chill through me, and I shiver. We divorced because I could no longer stay in an abusive marriage, but to the rest of the world I pretended it was because he was still in love with his ex-wife. The latter didn’t reflect on my stupidity or cowardice for why I stayed in the marriage for as long as I had.

I’m still humiliated. And added to my mortification is the unhappy fact that my two failed marriages make me a two-time loser. The good news is that I finally had the good sense to come home, and I’ve been back in Chicago for almost two years. And it’s my good fortune that I was able to return to my position as a paralegal at the law firm where I was employed before I foolishly rushed off to San Francisco. Working at a place I love, along with the people I work with, helped me get my head back on straight.

“I called several times,” Matt says. He laughs and adds, “I suppose I should have left messages.”

Hearing his voice gives me a boost I didn’t know I needed, and I laugh with him. “Messages would have been helpful, so I’d have known to call you back.”

“Are you still working at WAM?” he asks.

WAM is Williams, Anderson & Mason. I began working as a secretary at the law firm after high school graduation and later went on to get my paralegal certificate. “Yes, and I love my job. We’re getting ready to go to trial in Boston next month.”

I’m working from home in preparation for the upcoming trial, writing case summaries and doing research for Zach Eberle, the litigation partner I’m assisting. Zach and I have known each other for years, and we work well together.

“I remember you enjoyed law firm life,” Matt says, “so good for you.”

I do enjoy law firm life. I work hard, and proof of my hard work surrounds me. Printouts of court cases, along with the legal pads holding my notes, are strewn across my kitchen table and countertops because the desk in my home office is cluttered with the paperwork generated by my research.

I also enjoy talking with Matt and, at the moment, he’s, my priority. “Enough about me. Tell me about you.”

“I was a firefighter/paramedic until I was injured during a call several years ago. The injury prevented me from continuing to fight fires, and I was required to take an early retirement. I work the insurance business that once had been my side job, and I own some property that needs looking after. I spend any spare time I have helping friends with various repair projects.”

“I heard you married Vera Cozzi,” I say.

“You heard right, but we divorced more than a year ago. After seventeen years of marriage, she suddenly decided we should go our separate ways.”

Seventeen years is a long time, so that had to hurt. “Sorry to hear that, Matt. It must have been awful not to have had any warning.”

“I should have seen it coming. We’d been drifting apart for years, so I wasn’t disappointed.”

It hurts my pride more than my heart, but we touch on my failed marriages as well. Matt heard about both of them, so I don’t go into detail except to say, “Your old baseball buddy decided he wanted to play the field, but it wasn’t on your old baseball field that he wanted to play.”

“I’m sorry, Kaity, but I’m not surprised. My surprise was that you stuck with him as long as you did.”

“Did you know?”

“I heard the scuttlebutt,” he admits. “He didn’t deserve you, and I think you knew that was my opinion back when we were working together. What happened in San Francisco?”

I shiver again. I lost my mind. That’s what happened. I don’t know how to explain my foolishness, and it’s impossible to justify why I stayed so long in what initially seemed to be a promising relationship that went from bad to worse. I’m still trying to put it behind me and nowhere near ready to talk about it. “Let’s save that conversation for another day.”

Matt kept up with some of our old friends, and he updates me with what he knows of the happenings in their lives. “Bonnie moved to Reno, and Otto went in the other direction. He’s now living somewhere in New Hampshire. Sue and Vince are still happily married, and they now have a couple of kids. Remember the lovebirds?”

“Kelly and Mark. I remember when they got engaged. They were crazy about each other.”

“Well, Kelly didn’t marry Mark,” Matt says and laughs. “She married his brother instead!”

“That’s too funny,” I say and laugh with him.

When our laughter subsides, I say, “I’m living just outside the city now. Are you still living in Chicago?”

“No, I moved to Pocah County, where I’ve gotten very involved with my community.”

Despite the many filings I’ve made on behalf of the law firm, I never filed anything for any court in Pocah County. I’ve never even heard of Pocah County. “Where is Pocah County?”

“It’s a small county located near Peoria, about a hundred fifty miles southwest of Chicago, and I was recently recruited to run for office in my township.”

“Way to go, Matt!”

“Thanks. I’m still playing baseball twice a week, so I’m in the city quite frequently. The next time I’m downtown, how about if I take you to lunch?”

I’m still my five-foot-two petite self with eyes a deep shade of green, but is Matt still thinking of me as the sixteen-year-old girl he was friends with? Since we’re both on the wrong side of forty now, and time has begun to take its toll, I don’t want Matt to be disappointed that the sixteen-year-old girl he remembers is not sweet sixteen anymore. But the real issue is that I haven’t been downtown in weeks. “Thanks for the invite, Matt, but I’m mostly working from home these days.”

“That sounds like a nice arrangement,” he says.

It’s a great arrangement. Being able to work from home makes life so much easier without having to commute to and from downtown Chicago every day. Another perk that comes with working from home is that the dress code is jeans and T-shirts, and bras are optional. “It’s a very nice arrangement,” I say.

“You must have a terrific boss.”

“I do. My boss is the best.” And although Zach has given me a new time-consuming research assignment, working from home also means I can still find time to talk, text and email with Matt.

“So, you’re going to Boston next month,” Matt says. “Preparing for trial must keep you busy.”

“The prep work does keep me busy. With all you do, I’m guessing you’re also keeping busy.”

“Very busy,” he says. “I’m often overwhelmed with all I have to do. I’ve been meeting with my political cohorts and doing some campaigning, and I don’t have time for much of anything else these days.”

He’s working his insurance business and taking care of his property. He’s involved with his community and running for office in his township. And he’s still playing baseball and helping friends with repair projects. Matt seems to have the energy of a ten-year-old boy.

While I contemplate his energy level, his voice turns serious. “You changed my life by the simple act of befriending me, Kaity, and for that I will be forever grateful. It’s important to me that you know that.”

I’m so surprised that I’m unable to find my voice.

“I never looked at you in the light of attraction because you had a boyfriend. Although I didn’t think he deserved you, I didn’t feel it was my place to say so.”

I had lots of boyfriends, as did most teenage girls, but that might explain Matt’s long-ago disinterest in me.

“Also, I never thought someone as pretty as you would consider having me in your life, so I felt blessed that you let me walk you home after work.”

My surprise morphs into astonishment, and I still cannot reply.

“But what you did for me. You opened the door for me to finally become part of a neighborhood and to have friends and activities to participate in with my new friends. You gave me the ‘extended family’ I needed in my life.”

Something surges through my chest, and my heart does a cartwheel.

~ * ~

We have another telephone conversation the following day that lasts for hours. Matt’s as easy to talk to as I remember, and I pace my kitchen while we reminisce. There’s so much to talk about, and I remember his red hair, his boyish smile and his easy laugh. And his hands. I remember his large hands and long fingers and feel myself blush. My heart skips a beat, and I wonder if something might be happening between us after all these years.

Matt and I talk, email and text over the next few days, and I still have so much more I want to share with him, and so many more questions I want to ask.

He writes in an email:

What I would like you to know, as I reflect back on when we first met, is the gift you bestowed upon me. You have no idea how you changed my life, Kaity, and I pray for the moment that I can share with you how your influence has helped to shape me. I believe you’ll be proud, not only of me but of yourself as well, when you learn to what you contributed.

Because of what I have lived through in my life and what I have witnessed in my years as a firefighter/paramedic, I like to sign off with the last words I want my friends to hear from me, and those words are “Sending love.”

A sense of something joyful touches my heart after reading Matt’s email.

He calls later that day, and I tell him, “You’re spoiling me with your emails.”

“If I thought there’d been an opening for me back in the day, I’d have spoiled you for the rest of your life.”

His words turn my skin to gooseflesh, and my heart does a backflip. I wonder again if something might be happening between us.

We have to end the call, though, because Matt’s driving in a remote area and keeps losing his cellphone signal. He says he’ll call when he has better reception.

Matt doesn’t call before bedtime, and I go to sleep missing him. I remember again his large hands and long fingers and hope I dream of him.

~ * ~

I’m asleep in my bed when dream Matt crawls in to lie beside me.

His dream kiss wakes me up. “Hello, Sleeping Beauty,” he says, and kisses me again, this time with tongue. He lifts my nightgown, then caresses my breasts and sucks my nipples.

My wet immediately begins to flow, and I tell him, “It’s been a long time for me.”

“No worries, Kaity, I’ll be gentle.” He’s naked, and he takes my hand and places it on his dick. “Stroke me,” he tells me, and I do.

He removes my panties and inserts a long finger into my opening. My wet flows over his finger and my breath catches in my throat. When he’s fully erect, he moves above me and enters me slowly, pushing gently until his dick is all the way inside me. He withdraws and enters me again, thrusting and then plunging his very large, very hard cock into me.

He pushes and pounds, and I move my hips to push and pound with him. I’m on fire! An incredibly powerful orgasm rushes through my body at the same time dream Matt shudders and ejaculates into me.

“I’d like it if you would come to bed naked. No nightgown and no panties,” he tells me.

And then dream Matt is gone.

~ * ~

I sit up in bed. Holey Moley. I’m alone and shivering, and the bedsheet is damp. I move to the other side of my bed and go back to sleep. Dreaming of Matt.