Chapter One

My circumstances tend to change in a moment. It has happened all my life. Everything seems to be going fine and steady, then…change. Immediate and life altering change. I didn’t realize that change was coming for me again. All I felt was a rush of anger at the warm slide of a hand across my left butt cheek. I shifted away from the man sitting at my booth in the little all-night diner in the heart of Manhattan where I worked and forced an air of calm along with a half-smile. I couldn’t pull off a full one, as even I’m not that great of an actor.

There was nothing exciting or memorable about him. He wore a tired end of the day, wrinkled dark blue suit, with a white and blue striped tie yanked loose to dangle down the front of his white buttoned-up shirt. His face was pale. His eyes were muddy. The brown was dark and intense on my body, which made him creepy. There’s nothing new there. Anyone in the diner at one in the morning tends to hit high on my creepy meter.

I held the fresh, hot pot of coffee aloft and said with as big a smile as I could muster, “More coffee? It’s hot and fresh from the maker.”

That was the whole reason I’d come over to his booth in the first place, as I’d seen him empty his cup a moment before. I needed the tip money, otherwise the moment his hand touched me, I’d have upended the coffee over his stupid, balding head. Why me? Why did I always get the pervs?

“That’d be great, darling,” he said, and again looked me up and down, hesitating a real long time on my boobs.

I tried to calm the rising emotion in my chest, but there was a small part of me that wanted to let it free and make him sorry. How many girls and women had his filthy hands groped? How many people young and old had he made feel dirty? Oh, yeah, there was a big part of me that wanted to freeze the life out of him. But I didn’t. I held my smile and poured his cup full to the top with steaming hot coffee.

He immediately lifted the hot cup to his lips and sipped. “Shit!” He slammed the cup back down on the table.

I saw it slosh over the rim and onto his hand, burning it, along with his mouth.

He jerked back and cursed a bit more, all the while flapping his dripping hand around.

One drop hit me in the cheek. It was cool by that point, but the idea of him winging the liquid around without care or caution ramped up my annoyance even more.

I decided I couldn’t help myself. As if to steady the cup, I reached for it and blew a soft breath on the liquid as well as the cup. If he’d been paying attention he might have noticed the misty fog that came out along with my breath, but even if he’d been watching, I doubted it. I was careful.

No, I shouldn’t have done it, but it was my own passive aggressive way of getting even. It wouldn’t hurt him. It would simply confuse and annoy him. I set the cup back on its saucer, handed him a few more napkins, turned, and headed to the back of the diner and out of his sight.

He mumbled at my back the whole way.

I said a sad goodbye to the tip I wasn’t going to get. He would blame me for the hot coffee incident, even though I’d warned him it was hot.

I passed through the double swinging door as I heard him say more to himself than to anyone, “What the hell?”

I smiled at the soft clink as the frozen cube of coffee that had been in the man’s cup landed on the saucer when he evidently tried to pour it out. It was a juvenile prank, but it was funny. I should have at least iced his grubby hand, but I didn’t want to draw attention. It all came down to that. I needed to be a shadow. I didn’t need attention of any type.

I shouldn’t have done anything at all. What if he told someone his steaming cup of hot coffee suddenly and inexplicably turned to ice in a moment’s time? Would anyone believe him? Would he realize I’d done it? I didn’t think so. I mean people freezing coffee in an instant, that wasn’t real, right? Not to the normal human population, it wasn’t. But then again, I wasn’t one of your normal human populaces.

“Hey, Nancy,” I said to the other waitress in the back.

She was more than a waitress. She was like the night manager, only without the title and the money that should have gone with it. The owner was more than tight-fisted. He was a greedy bastard. There were days I wondered why I stayed. Then I would remind myself I stayed because he was also an absent bastard. He didn’t ask questions and paid me under the table. I took my hourly fee and tips out of the till each night, and no one knew about me on paper. It was a necessary evil in my shadowy life.

Nancy was a perk. She was older, maybe fortyish? I never asked. It seemed rude. She had taken on a mothering role the first night I worked and now, almost nine months later, she hadn’t slacked off a bit. In fact, she was getting worse each day.

“Nora, love, why are you still here? You should have clocked out half an hour ago.”

“I know, but I was waiting for the guy out there to leave.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll save your tip for you. You better get a move on. The last train is at two.”

“I doubt I’ll be getting a tip from that one,” I said snidely.

She was right about the train though. If I missed the last train, I’d be walking about ten blocks to get home, in the darkness of the middle of the night. Not a good idea in Manhattan, even for me. Seriously.

Nancy didn’t ask why I wasn’t getting a tip. She and I both knew the type that came in at night. They were either truckers that would tip gloriously or they were stingy businessmen that didn’t tip at all. I found it funny, the men with more gave less and the men with less gave more. You’d think it would be the other way around.

“Be careful,” she said.

I looked up at her and smiled as I reached under the counter to grab my backpack. “I will.”

Nancy sighed. “Did you eat? I don’t remember you eating.”

“I ate,” I said as I pulled a grey beanie hat on my head down to my ears. I swung my pack over my shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

I headed to the back door and heard Nancy yell, “By the way, I love your new hair!”

“Thanks,” I yelled back.

My natural hair color was white. I don’t mean light blonde, I mean white, like old person ready for the grave white. It had always been that way. At least as far as I could remember anyway. I wasn’t albino or anything like that, but my hair caused me to stand out, which I wasn’t a huge fan of. A few years back I’d started coloring it black. Black suited my mood. However, this last time, I’d had them cut it short, pixie cut short, and add purple stripes and highlights. It was awesome. It was a bit of an attention grabber, but I liked it all the same. Anything was better than the white.

“See you tomorrow, Chuck,” I said to the cook as he sat in the very back of the diner by the delivery door, which was where I was heading to exit.

“Night, Nora. You back tomorrow?”

“As usual.”

“Got your mace?”

I smiled. I didn’t need mace. I could take care of myself very nicely, but they didn’t need to know that. So, I lied. “Yep.” I patted my pack and said, “It’s in the bag.”

He gave me an upward nod of his head and went back to the book he was reading. Chuck may be a simple cook, but he read more than most scholars I knew. I asked him once why he was a cook and not one of the snooty business types. His answer shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.

He’d said: “I get to read here most nights. I doubt in the uppity up world I’d get to do that. Besides, there isn’t any stress, the pay keeps me with a roof over my head, and I get to see you. What more is there?”

What more, indeed.

“Night,” I said.

He didn’t reply, and I hadn’t really expected him to.

I skipped out the door into the humid July heat. I’d been chilly in the diner, but outside I was instantly hot. I turned the corner around the diner and headed toward the front, just in time to see the perv from inside come out as well. I rolled my eyes as I put my head down and tried to pretend I didn’t know him. No such luck for me.

“Hey, gorgeous! How’s that for timing?”

The timing sucked for me, actually. I tried to step around him without comment, until he put his hand on my arm and stopped me. I could have yelled out, but I didn’t want to worry Nancy and I didn’t want to bother Chuck.

So instead, I said quietly, but firmly, “Let go. Now.”

“What? I’m just being friendly. I thought we could go get a drink and get to know one another better.”

“I’m nineteen. I can’t get a drink,” I said. I would have said more, but he cut me off.

“Don’t worry, darling, I’ll buy you whatever you want. It won’t cost you a penny.”

Yeah, it would cost me more than money. My self-respect for one thing.

“No. Thanks.” I pulled my arm in the hope he would release me.

He didn’t. Instead of letting go, he tightened his grip and drew me in closer. “Don’t be like that.”

The grip on my arm was getting painful, and I moved from annoyed to a little uneasy. Being angry was always better. Anger kept fear at bay. I hadn’t been able to get to real anger before fear had wiggled its way in. My body went cold under my clothes.

“Uh-oh,” I whispered to myself.

“Uh-oh, what?” He leaned in and pressed his nose against my hat directly above my ear. “You smell really nice.”

Since I’d been at a greasy diner for eight hours, I doubted it. I tried to tamp down on the fear building inside me. I stepped back and yanked as hard as I could. My arm snapped out of his grip and unexpectedly slapped back into my chest, knocking me off balance. I back-pedaled quickly and regained my stance a few steps away from him.

“Leave me alone.”

“What’s wrong with you? I offered you a drink and you’re being a bitch.”

Name calling. How lovely. The night was getting better and better. “I don’t want a drink.”

“Screw you then,” he said as he turned and stalked away from me, but not before tossing over his shoulder, “I didn’t leave you a tip.”

“Shocker!” I yelled out after him.

Then, without thinking and without my brain’s permission, I snapped my arm out and pointed it toward his feet. I breathed in slow and deep as I pushed the air out from the tips of my fingers toward the spot under his heel as it landed on the wet sidewalk.

I watched ice form where liquid once was. The black heel of his dress shoe hit perfectly on that slick ice spot and his leg shot out from under him, kicking his other leg up as well. He fell on the ground with a thud, on his back. His breath shot out of his lungs with a whoosh and his head snapped back and cracked on the cement.

I turned and walked away, my laughter echoing off the sides of the buildings around us. I didn’t check to see if he was okay. I didn’t care if he knocked himself unconscious on the sidewalk. He was a jerk and he’d gotten what he deserved. I felt no remorse. I felt no guilt. I did feel a little worried, as I hadn’t used the ice in a while. Then in the span of an hour, I’d used it twice. Revenge was fun, but it was dangerous.

I hustled to the train station and, thankfully, even if just barely, made the train out.

~ * ~

I arrived at the old apartment building where I live just after two thirty a.m. The area wasn’t good. The sidewalks were covered in trash, both loose and bagged. Rats were a common occurrence along with roaches. I climbed the stairs to the door, opened the pitiful lock, and went inside. If anyone really wanted to get in, a two-year-old could pick it.

I checked my mailbox and found nothing. Good. I never got mail, although I checked it every day. Sometimes I got sales ads for the resident, but never by name. Mail was a bad thing. It meant someone knew where I was. So, yeah, no mail was good news.

I went up to my apartment, let myself in, and dropped my pack by the door before turning and locking it behind me. I flipped on the ceiling light and checked around. It looked to be exactly as I’d left it. Empty. Clean, but empty, except for a single air mattress made up nicely in the corner and one crate that held a few changes of clothing. That was it. That was all I needed.

There was no point to possessions when…if I had to run, all I could take was what I could carry. Although I was strong, I couldn’t carry much for a long haul.

I flopped down on the bed. My body was tired, but my brain was awake. I kicked off my shoes before padding back over to where I’d dropped my pack. I dug through the belly of the bag and pulled out a worn paperback I’d stolen from the library. I say stolen, because I didn’t exactly have a library card. I didn’t keep the books I took though. I always returned them. I could call it borrowing, but borrowing tends to imply permission, which I didn’t have and didn’t plan on getting.

I plopped back on my bed and decided to read until I got tired enough to sleep. It took longer than I’d hoped. It was dawn, the sun barely peeking up over the horizon when I finally drifted off.

~ * ~

I woke as night fell over the city. I took a quick shower and got ready for another exciting night at the diner. Thank goodness I worked, because when I looked in my small refrigerator, it was running on empty but for a handful of soy sauce packets and what looked like an old sub sandwich. How long had that been in there?

I made up my bed, put my toiletries back in my pack, and left the small space to make the trip to the diner. That was my life. Work and sleep and work and sleep. It wasn’t much of a life, but it was mine. No one owned me. No one controlled me. It was a great life if I remembered that.

~ * ~

I swung my way into the diner with a flourish. “Hey!” I said to Nancy and Chuck as I stashed my pack under the counter.

“Well, you’re in a good mood,” Nancy said. Then she glanced at the clock. “And a bit early for your shift.”

“Hungry. I haven’t had time to go to the grocery.”

“Surprise,” Chuck barked from the back.

I couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on my face. They knew me well. They weren’t real family, but they were kind of like family all the same.

“It’s a good thing I brought in leftovers then. Dean made sure to make extra for you,” Nancy said, and went to grab a food container from the big fridge by the grill.

“That’s ‘cause Dean likes me,” I said to Nancy’s back. Nancy’s husband was just as bad as Nancy with trying to fatten me up. I loved them for it.

“What is it?” I eyed the container as she stuck it in the microwave.

“He had a fancy name for it, but I call it pasta and white garlic sauce with peppers and mushrooms. It’s good.”

“Mmm, sounds really good.”

“It tastes even better. Well, it did when it was fresh. I hope the microwave doesn’t ruin it.”

That wasn’t an idle hope. The diner microwave was ancient. I swear the thing was built before I was born. It tended to burn and crisp food before cooking it through. We didn’t even try to microwave popcorn in there. I’m pretty sure it would have been engulfed in flames before it was done.

God was on my side for once, as the pasta came out edible and as Nancy had predicted, it was good. I told them about my encounter with the customer from last night. I made sure to embellish the funny parts, so they wouldn’t worry. I kept the ice parts and the scary parts secret, to keep them safe.

“I don’t like you walking to the train alone,” Nancy said.

“I agree,” Chuck added in his two cents.

“I told the story to make you guys laugh,” I said.

“It’s not funny. You have to be careful. You aren’t some big guy that’s safe out there. You have to be aware and you can’t put yourself in situations where you’re going to be hurt or worse.”

I’d had the same discussion a time or twelve with Nancy and Chuck, and seriously, it always annoyed me. Why was it my job to make sure some guy didn’t hurt me or rape me? Why wasn’t it the job of the guys to just not do it? Why was society so concerned with teaching girls how not to get hurt, instead of teaching the boys not to hurt? I sighed. Did I want to get into it with them again? No, not really.

“You know, I woke up today in a pretty decent mood and now I’m getting a headache.”

Nancy sighed right back at me and said, “I’m not trying to upset you or give you a headache. I worry. I can’t help it. You’re like one of my own kids. You scare me.”

Nancy didn’t actually have any children. Not that she hadn’t wanted them or tried. As she once told me, “It wasn’t in the cards.” She would have made a great mom. It wasn’t as if I really knew what a great mom was, but Nancy would have been one.

“I’m sorry I scare you.”

I wasn’t sorry about the night before, I handled it. I didn’t see what the big deal was. But I didn’t want Nancy to be upset and I didn’t want her to worry. She always started asking questions when she worried. I don’t do questions.

“What if something happened to you? I wouldn’t even know where to look for you.”

“Um,” I said, as I knew where that line of discussion was going.

“You should at least give me an address. I could check in on you. What if you get sick? What if you’re hurt? You could be trapped in your place for days and no one would be able to find you.”

“Nancy.”

“Don’t Nancy me. I mean it.”

The pain in my head was moving from a soft barely there, ache, to a building thumping pain. I rubbed my forehead and said, “Don’t. You know I’m uncomfortable with it.”

“But why?”

“Because!” I started to say more, but suddenly the little hairs on the back of my neck stood up at attention. A chill slithered down my back. I spun around to look out the front windows. I didn’t see anything. Or I couldn’t see anything. The windows were a bit foggy around the edges thanks to the over air-conditioned diner. The night was closing in and the front sidewalk lights hadn’t clicked on yet. I could make out a few people walking past the front, but other than that, there was nothing I could see that would account for my sudden and complete anxiety.

“What is it?” Chuck asked and stood up to look over me at the windows too.

“I don’t know.”

I didn’t, not really, not for certain anyway. There was a small kernel of knowledge I didn’t want to hear. My brain was stuck in a loop screaming: “Not again, not again!” It could have been someone staring into the diner that set off my senses. I couldn’t really kid myself, though, even if I wanted to. That same part of me that didn’t want to believe, knew what the warning sign was.

They’d found me. Again. It had taken them nine months to do it, but they’d found me. I could only blame myself, because I’d used the ice the day before, twice. That didn’t quite make sense though, as how could they find me that fast? It was just the night before. They couldn’t have. Could they? I wasn’t so certain.

I pasted a smile on my face and said, “I don’t know. I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m a little off today.” I pointed at my head. “My head is making me paranoid. Come on, let’s get to work.” I picked up my empty plate and took it to the sink. I stood there a moment and breathed in deep a few times to settle my heart and my wavy emotions.

I tied on an apron, grabbed a pen from the stash in the back with an order pad, and got to work. I needed as many tips as I could get, more than ever.

The night went by fast, too fast. It was one in the morning, time for me to head home for the night. I got my shift money and cashed out my tips then pulled my pack from under the counter.

“Well, that’s it for me today.” I needed to leave as if nothing was wrong.

“See you tomorrow. You be careful tonight. Promise me. I don’t want to worry about you all night long.”

Impulsively, I stepped over to Nancy and gave her a tight hug. “Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself. I promise.”

Nancy placed gentle hands on my shoulders and pushed me back enough to look at my face. “What’s wrong?” It was part question and part demand.

I wanted to tell her everything was wrong. That was reason number one as to why I didn’t form attachments. I knew better than to care about anyone. I needed to disappear without anyone remembering me. I’d made a mistake though. I did care. I would miss Nancy and Chuck and the stinky diner, and I would miss the nights spent with people who actually gave a damn if I lived or died.

I took her hands in mine. Both of us had hard, working hands. There were calluses and lines from the abuses of life. I looked from our hands up into her eyes and made a decision. I didn’t want her to get hurt, and I didn’t want her to worry enough that she might mistakenly give me away. I had to give her something more than me vanishing into the night.

“I’m…” Even knowing I needed to protect her, I hesitated. Was giving her knowledge protecting her or putting her in more danger? I tried again. “I’m leaving, Nancy. I won’t be back.”

“What? Wait, why? What’s happened?”

I didn’t answer her questions. Instead, I clouded the waters even more.

“Listen. If anyone comes asking questions about me, don’t lie, but don’t tell them anything important. Don’t tell them what I look like. Don’t tell them anything descriptive.”

“Who are you running from, Nora?”

“I can’t tell you. They’re dangerous and you should know they’ve killed people trying to get to me.”

“Why?” she whispered the word. Apparently, she was finally understanding the danger I was sharing with her.

I wasn’t hysterical or crazy. I was quiet and firm in what I said.

I shouldn’t have told her. I knew that, but I needed to tell someone. I needed someone to know I was here and real.

“I’m not what you think.”

“You don’t know what I think.”

“I know you think I’m some runaway regular girl. I’m not, Nancy.”

Her hands were still held in mine. I breathed in a deep and full breath then without giving myself time to change my mind, I blew out a foggy stream of air over the top of her head. Her brown hair turned white and firm with frost. I watched her face as she dropped one of my hands and touched her newly frozen hair.

Her face didn’t contort with fear or revulsion as I expected. A smile of wonderment bloomed instead. “How did you…?”

“They want me, because of what I can do.” I whispered the words to her.

I saw her lovely smile fall from her face as my words sank in.

“You’re an experiment?”

“Yes. One gone wrong, but maybe also right at the same time. They want me as a weapon. I don’t want to be used to hurt people. I don’t want to be used for money. I won’t be used for power.”

She grabbed my hands again, tightly this time, and said, “You can stay with me. We’ll keep you safe. Don’t leave.”

I shook my head. “I can’t stay. They’ve found me and I’m a danger to anyone around me. They don’t care who they hurt or kill as long as they get me. I wish I could stay with you, Nancy.” My nostrils suddenly burned, and I felt tears fill my eyes. I’m not the crying sort. I’m not really the emotional type at all, so this took me by surprise. “I have to go. I can’t stay and see you hurt because of me.”

I let go of her hands I’d continued to hold simply for the connection. I didn’t want to leave. That was true. Nancy was the first person I’d let in behind my wall in years.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nora,” she said and reached out to me again.

I ignored the hand and the connection it represented. I turned to go, tossing over my shoulder as I headed out the door, “Don’t forget what I said. You don’t know me.”

The diner door swung shut behind me. When I was certain she wouldn’t hear me, I added, “I’ll miss you.”